Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

"Samuel Johnson once remarked that most friendships die not because of major violations and problems but because of small slight irritations that slowly destroy closeness"(p.270, Wood)

I think not sweating the small stuff is perhaps one of the most important pieces of advice everyone should consider and master. Wood explains that knowing that perceptions are subjective, you might remind yourself not to focus on aspects of friendships that you dislike or find bothersome (p.270). This should also be considered with coworkers, family members and romantic relationships. I think many times people are selfish and are only concerned with how they feel or what they perceive. It is ok to feel this way but one must always keep in mind the bigger picture and realize we live in a world where there are bigger issues. I believe with a little communication anything can be solved, and we truly must not sweat the small stuff.

When I was in a bad place in my life and blamed my mother for things that went wrong in my life, along with internally beating myself up for not achieving my goals when I had planned and falling through with things, I picked up the book, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, by Richard Carlson. This book single handedly helped me get through my depression and take a different outlook on life. I was able to leave my irreparable relationship I was in and not feel guilty about it nor place the blame on anyone or myself. I learned to simply except things for what they were and work to make them better. I learned, that you can keep running from disappointments in your life, but it's not until you truly embrace the past, that you are able to move forward. From that day on I made a vow to myself, that I would not let petty things get in may way. My mother always told me, whatever problem you have, someone out there in the world has the same problem but twice as bad. In other words, no matter what, I'll survive.
The world is a big place and there is a lot more to life out there, and stressing over someone or something small is not worth anyone's precious time.

Dimensions of Romantic Relationships

Under the chapter of Committed Romantic Relationships are Dimensions of Romantic Relationships. It claims that researchers have struggled to define romantic commitment, but the truth is I don't know how anyone can accurately define it, considering humans are all different and unique in their own way. The textbook believes romantic love consists of three dimensions: intimacy, commitment and passion. Although these dimensions are different, the book claims they can overlap and interact throughout your lifetime, which I would agree with as well. Before I read the chapter I assumed romantic relationships, were much like close friendships but also including intimacy and monogamy.

Me and Drew, Santa Monica

• Passion: Is described in the book as intensely positive feelings and fervent desire for another person. I would describe it as the 'crazy about you' type feeling, that you get with a person, to the extent that you could not fathom to think about your life without them. 
• Commitment: Is the intention to remain involved in the relationship. I also view this concept as a very strict agreement, with commitment comes a great deal of respect and trust. 
• Intimacy: Are the feelings of closeness, connection and tenderness. I think most people would assume this simply means sex and/or lust. 

In my personal experience, I would see my relationship as a healthy and steady relationship in which the passion seems to have settled in and we are very comfortable with one another. Our commitment is very strong and we would not have it any other way, we see our selves as life partners and business partners (as soon as my credit score goes up a notch) so we can invest in homes together. The intimacy is always there, the best example of it is a lazy Sunday, when we are simply enjoying breakfast and watching t.v. or reading each others signals in a crowd. We are comfortable and Happy!

I chose this clip narrated by Eckhart Tolle, not only because Professor Mary Fong raves about his book, "The Power of Now," but because the dimensions of romantic relationships and the being of humans are very complex and Tolle seems to get a good grasp on the meaning. No one person is alike, and in order to achieve an understanding of another is really an incredible things. There is a sense of passion and mystery in this video, and requires the brain to really think of how love can overpower a person in negative or positive ways, in which we surprise ourselves or feel a sense of power.

Friendship: Geographic Distance

"A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles"

Geographic distance in friendships commonly puts a strain on the friendship or creates barriers for a smooth relationship. The text explains that most friendships face the challenge of distance, and many do not survive it. In Chapter 10 we learn that in order to maintain a long distance friendship, many factors have to be considered. The first being, how much both parties care to keep in touch, and others being socioeconomic class and sex categories.
Fortunately all of my long distance friendships have survived! I have my three friends from high school, which I have stayed in contact with, and my high school friendships are no where near my current and longest friendships. However when I began ASU back in 2003, I became close with some of my college friends. They have been very close since our dorm days and now as adults. I have 6 close friends that I visit and that visit me a couple times throughout the year, and we all talk on a weekly basis through telephone or skype. I have one in Texas, Arizona, Maui, Two in Chicago and one in Boston. We all scattered after attending ASU together. I still have not graduated but they did, and all are set in their careers as I pursue my education.
As the book explains, gender plays a large role in keeping in touch with friends from afar. Two men and four females that are like brothers and sisters, and I would agree the girls love to call and talk, about everything, and with the guys it more of an update and when we will plan our next trip.Which the text explains, "The focus of men's friendships tends to be activities, which are difficult to share across distance"(p.267, Wood). I find this statement very true, we always make plans to meet every year and go on some crazy adventures!

"A majority of North Americans have at least one long-distance friendship"( According to text, J.Wood)

Loaded Language

Loaded Language is used in our everyday lives, whether it be intentional or unintentional. Some may take is or use it as a generalization or out of spite.
In the book, Loaded Language refers to words that strongly slant perceptions and thus meanings. For instance when referring to other peoples children as little brats, rather than Cindy's daughters.
I view loaded language as more of a lazy form of speech especially in the western culture.  But I also strongly agree and believe most of us use it in a negative way.

For instance, I remember when I was younger, my neighbor refereed to the older woman across the street as an "old hag," because she told his mother that he was trampling all over her grass when the gardeners had just come to plant more flowers for her. I understand why he had resented her and used loaded language, when he simply could have said, "The angry, older woman."

Here is a video of an excellent example of younger girls calling an elder "lady" and also saying they are faster because they are younger. So she turns the tables!! I love it!

Interpersonal Communication: Stereotypes

As we read on Stereotypes we learn many things about how we perceive people or classify them. The word is actually explained as a predictive generalization applied to a person or situation. 

Therefore this explains that based on the category in which we place someone or something, and how that person or thing measures up against the personal construct we apply, we predict what he, she or it will do. (Wood)

I tend to stereotype only the certain things that are told to me over and over. For instance I personally think that stereotypes are just lazy generalizations, and old enough to know that have of them are not true based n my own experiences and willingness to not judge people or situations until I have experienced something first hand. 

However with this said, I tend to stereotype hispanic mechanics. Ever since I was a child I was told, pay the extra money and go to a corporate mechanic, this way if something happens or defaults there is usually a warranty or customer service expectation. I was always told to steer clear of not so reputable mechanic shops or one's where that are fully hispanic operated. 

I remember hearing stories such as, they will leave your vehicle in slightly unnoticeable conditions, or they do not really care as much, or they will switch out your newer car parts for older ones. We I am a weird person when it comes to my car, I can take it to the local Jiffy Lube, and for still some reason have trouble believing they actually changed my oil. My opinion is very clouded when it comes to car maintenance. 

Anyway, my suspicion became a reality when I was over at my grandmothers house explaining to her that I needed an oil change and would be on my way to get one later that afternoon. She said she had taken her car to a little shop down the street and the gentlemen working there were very nice and gave her a discount. So of course I take my car there, all the mechanics were hispanic, and they didn't even have a debit card machine. but I left it anyway. Two hours after I had already had my car, the oil change light goes on and the check engine light. My engine was slightly smoking and my car smelled like burnt gas. 

Oh no, I was mad. I called the place and they refused to refund my money. All they had to say was, "Well if your transmission blows, we do a great job here. Bring your car back!" There was no way in hell I was even bringing my car near that place ever again. To this day I have no clue why both of my check engine lights came one, I had to take it to Midas, to have it checked. It was unorganized and not very reassuring. 

This situation then validated my stereotype. And I try not to think so negatively, but maybe soon, I'll have a reason to assume better in a different way! 

NonVerbal Communication

In Chapter 5, of Interpersonal Communication by Julia T. Wood, We stumble upon Non Verbal Communication. This Term is defined as all aspects of communication other than words. It includes not only gestures and body language but how we utter words, such as tone, pauses and volume. It explains that Scholars estimate that nonverbal behaviors account for 65%to 95% of the total meaning of communication.

From my understanding, nonverbal communication is how a person portrays their body language while expressing how they feel. For example, if a person is frozen, staring you straight in the eyes and speaking through their teeth, we can gather that they are very upset, yet trying to remain in control.
This brings me to my next point. I can apply this term to my own life, and to be specific, a situation of my childhood that taunted me.
I remember playing with my cousins, when I was about 6 years old, at my grandmothers house. Since I was the first boy to be born in the family, I was always playing with the girls since four of my oldest cousins are girls. It did not mean anything to me in tagging along and participating in whatever conquest they were on.
However, one afternoon my uncle was over and saw me carrying a Cabbage Patch Doll. Immediately I knew there was something wrong when he walked towards me with any angry look on his face. He yanked the doll out of my hand, walked over to the drive way, place te doll under a wheel of the car, hopped in the car and ran it over.
I remember the wheels screeching to a stop as he exited the vehicle and began ridiculing me, about how boys were not supposed to be playing with dolls and if he caught me playing with dolls again I would be in big trouble.
I cried and felt tormented. I did not know what to make of the situation and feared playing with any toys while he was around. I not only went through the embarrassment  while he yelled at me, but felt the fear when he didn't say anything at all but charged toward me to take to doll away.

After all is said and done, I am a firm believer that when it comes to children we must let them be and let their creative imaginations run wild. This story is similar to many cases of bullying that happen everywhere in the world especially in schools and in younger age groups. Child to child bullying is not acceptable and adult to child bullying should not be an excuse either.

For Information on Bullying & Suicide, We should all help stop the non verbal and verbal violence.

http://www.wegiveadamn.org/